I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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