420 ftw
I need to stop coming to work sober
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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