The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
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