i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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