Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
