Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
