No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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