I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
