the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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