I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
