After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
