return my video game
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
