I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
