Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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