went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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