Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
