Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
