My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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