I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
