Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
