Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
