cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
