You work out of a Hotel?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
being pregnant is like rehab
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
