I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize