I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
