Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
