why didn't you poke me back
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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