i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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