p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
