Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How external is "for external use only"?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
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