I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
