remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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