; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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