omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
