At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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