My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
