A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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