I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
