Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize