Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
