So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
