good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
