oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
