clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize