Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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