You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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