this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
