Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We left the knife in your bed.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
