if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
