i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
this is an emotional support booty call
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
