i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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