I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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