walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
