The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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