dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
