How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
