Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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