Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
