The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
