remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
