so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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