woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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