I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
