I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
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She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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